I am embarking on a new journey starting on Monday – a new journey without “my buddy”. I didn’t lose her by a physical death. She is still here in this world. My new journey starts with a lesson that I have leanred that death isn’t always about a physical death. You can lose someone in your life that is truly significant, that has made one of the greatest impacts on your life and feel one of the deepest pains in your life and it feels like a death. That would be the case of “my buddy”, my co-worker. In a very unfortunate turn of events and deeply painful, she will no longer be working side by side with me.  The one that I went to work with for 25 years. I met her when I was merely 19, when we think we know everything and now I sit at the age of 44 and I am saying to myself, “holy crap, I am just now learning some things now!”   Her and I side by side – 25 years. We laughed – we cried – only raised our voice probably handful of times – but we did it all together. We took a stressful job and we made it fun – we made everything a game – we made fun of it and each other – but we did it together and together we were each other’s confidants. How do you replace that? You don’t.

Lord, take the pain away, I have been crying. The deed was done on Tuesday. I went away on vacation on Wednesday. Let me tell ya……..drinks don’t take it away, taking picture on vacation and smiling doesn’t take it away, seeing beautiful sites and laying by the pool and even relaxing, as nice as that sounds and it was, doesn’t take it away. My lesson continues. Pain is pain. Loss is loss. We will experience some things in our life that are devastating. This is one of mine. I know it is one of hers.

Hows? Whats? Whens? Whos? Questions fly in my head, heart, everywhere……………….Time, prayer, giving Him the pain, – it is one of the holes that only He can fill – not one person, not one thing, only Him…….

I am once again reminded that The God of Comfort and Peace needs to be my all in all……

1 Corinthians 1:4-5 “God of all healing counsel! He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you know it, he brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us. We have plenty of hard times that come from following the Messiah, but no more so than the good times of his healing comfort—we get a full measure of that, too”

1 Peter 5:7 “Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully. ”

Psalms 30:5 “Weeping may endure for a night, but joy comes in the morning”

Psalm 56:8 “You number and record my wanderings; put my tears into Your bottle”

so as I wrapped up my time with God , knowing this is another one of those times where I need Him to get through it, I thanked Him for being there and guiding me through, giving me strength, grace and His love.  Then I said “ok God, I got this” ………then He gently whispered and said” no, WE got this”………I love God!!!!!